Balancing your job with young children: our colleagues share their experiences

Tom Gooren

Manager Service Business voor EMEA Poultry

Tom (35) lives in Boxmeer with his wife and three children, the youngest of whom has just turned one. He has been working at JBT Marel since 2019. He started as an innovation project manager and recently became manager of the Service Business department for EMEA Poultry in Western Europe, the UK and the Nordics. In this interview, Tom shares how he combines his work with a young family.

What does a typical workweek look like for you?
“I work full-time. Until October 1, I still worked four days a week because of parental leave. In the mornings I often bring the children to school and then drive to the office. I usually start my Monday with a one-hour block to ease into the week and prepare important tasks. I like having time with my family in the morning and then being able to start my workday afterwards. Fortunately, I’m given that space and flexibility from my employer.”

How do you combine your job with young children?

“Good coordination with my wife is crucial. We have fixed agreements about who drops off and picks up the children. We also prepare things in advance, like dinner: it’s ready the moment we get home. And on Fridays we always eat fries, that’s become a tradition. For me, work really stops the moment I get in the car, at least until 8 p.m. During that time I’m hard to reach, until the kids are in bed. If needed, I’ll pick something up for work afterwards. My family and private life are very important to me, so I want to be fully present during that time.”

Are there moments when the combination is difficult or stressful?
“It’s mainly difficult when something happens outside our usual routine. We run a tight weekly schedule with clear agreements on who does what. Sometimes there’s suddenly an unusual day or week, like offsite days or a work trip, for example. Then the routine is disrupted and I can get into a squeeze with the family. That causes stress and I can get short-tempered. Luckily, I have a partner who keeps me grounded and sharp.”

How do you deal with those moments?

“Fortunately, I can talk very well with my wife about stressful moments. I also feel supported at work. Recently, for example, we had a week of bad nights because of the baby. When that happens, I consciously build in more breaks during the day. Blocking off some time in my calendar or going for a lunch walk helps me distribute my energy better. It helps that my manager also has young children himself. He knows exactly what broken nights or sick kids do to you. I try to bring that same openness to my own team. I know that combining work with young children can be intense, and I find it important that we can talk about it honestly.

Back in 2021, we went through a difficult period at home when my wife experienced burnout. That meant more responsibilities suddenly fell on my shoulders. I immediately shared this with my manager and colleagues. By being open about it, we could look together at how to reduce my workload. That way you prevent yourself from burning out. That openness matters, not just for myself, but also for my team. When you know what someone is going through, you can support each other better.”

How do you make sure you have enough time for yourself?

“After 8 p.m., I often have time for myself. I might go for a run, mountain biking, play tennis or just watch a series together on the couch. On weekends we like to do fun things with the family. My wife and I also regularly plan a day away together: to the sauna, for example. I’ll sometimes take a day off for that if possible. We find it very important to spend time just the two of us. With three children that can be a bit of a puzzle, but we make a conscious effort to prioritise it.””

What is your best tip for maintaining balance between work and family?

“Consciously plan moments to be offline and completely disconnect from work and family. I love spending time with my family, but days away with my wife or friends are truly worth gold.”

Marije Schimmel

Manufacturing planner

Marije works as a manufacturing planner in Boxmeer and lives with her husband and their two young children: a three-year-old and a six-month-old. In this interview, she shares how she combines her work with motherhood.

What does a typical workweek look like for you?
“I currently work three days a week, until my paid parental leave ends. In the morning we get the children ready for daycare. My husband is a self-employed contractor, and I go to the office in Boxmeer. Around 4:30 p.m. I head home to pick up the kids. After that, we’ve divided the tasks clearly. For example, one of us cooks while the other walks the dogs. Once the children are in bed around 8 p.m., we prepare everything for the next day. Then we have a little time left to sit on the couch or do things around the house. On my days off I’m with the kids and catch up on housework so there’s less to do during the weekend.”

How do you combine your job with young children?

“I plan a lot ahead and prepare things well. Laying everything out the night before makes the mornings calmer. I also have fixed times for housework, like set days for laundry or cleaning. Structure helps me keep an overview, and I like that. Because we have a set rhythm during the week, our weekends are free for relaxing, doing fun things and working on the house. I also have a horse. I sometimes go there with the children now, but I’m not riding at the moment. I hope to pick that up again in the future.”

Are there moments when the combination is difficult or stressful?
“With young children, you’re basically always ‘on’. I’m thinking ahead the entire day. I want everything prepared before I sit on the couch. That can be quite tiring. Suddenly it’s late, and you want to go to bed yourself, especially now that the youngest still wakes up at night. Combining work and family can be a challenge because of that. I’m regularly tired, but I also know it comes with this phase. Luckily, I really enjoy my job. It’s nice to not be a mother at the office for a while, to chat with colleagues and focus on something completely different.”

How do you deal with those moments?

“For us, a clear division of tasks and clear agreements about who does what is essential. Clarity helps in stressful moments. Sometimes I wish we could do things differently, so there would be more time for myself and my husband, but it’s always a matter of finding the right balance.”

How do you make sure you have enough time for yourself?

“Honestly hardly at all at the moment. Every now and then I plan a day with my sister or friends. That’s important to me, but it has to be well-scheduled with childcare or making sure my husband is home. Spontaneous things are practically impossible. I really enjoy moments together with my family and husband. Every Friday night, for example, we eat fries on the couch after the kids are asleep, that’s our little moment together. Eventually I hope to start riding my horse again once the youngest is a bit older.”

What is your best tip for maintaining balance between work and family?

“Plan ahead and prepare things to avoid stress. And don’t be too hard on yourself when things don’t go as planned. If the table is full of dirty dishes, it’s okay to leave it for a moment. I find that difficult myself, but it’s important to let go. Time with my family and husband is simply more important to me.”

Marlou Exterkate

HR Business Partner

Marlou has been working at JBT Marel in Lichtenvoorde since 2020. She lives in Twente with her husband Joost and their three children aged five, three and one. Marlou shares how she combines work and family life, and how she deals with stressful moments.

What does a typical workweek look like for you?
“I work 28 hours a week, spread over three and a half days. I have one day with the children, and my husband has one day, with half a day together. The rest of the week they go to daycare or to our parents. All our family lives nearby and they love to help with the children. I’m incredibly grateful for that, because I know it’s not something everyone can rely on. It truly feels like a luxury.”

How do you combine your job with young children?

“Joost and I really share parenting equally. We both wanted children, so we both take an equally big role in their care, like picking them up or making dinner. Joost mostly works from home, so often I pick up the children after work and he already has dinner ready. That way we can sit straight down at the table and give each other our full attention. It’s important to us to see our children grow up and make conscious time for that.”

Are there moments when the combination is difficult or stressful?
“Mornings are the most stressful. If I need to be at the office by 8:30 and things don’t go smoothly with the kids, it can cause time pressure and stress. I’m not the most pleasant version of myself then, even though I find it important to project calm to the children.

The end of the workday can also be challenging. I need to leave on time to pick up the children, but sometimes colleagues walk in with a question. Then I need to clearly indicate that I have to go. I sometimes find that difficult, but I still say it, otherwise I stress about being late for daycare, or feel I can’t fully focus on helping a colleague.”

How do you deal with those moments?

“Joost and I talk about those moments. We look at what we could do differently. How can I allow myself more calm? Why do I respond in a certain way? I’m currently reading an interesting book: De Ontspannen Ouder by Loes Waanders. It’s about how, through self-awareness, you can parent from a place of calm and joy. And sometimes one of us just has a bad day, that’s simply part of it. Then we give each other space: for us, that might be going for a run, football, handball, meeting friends, but also making sure we keep planning time for just the two of us. We have an informal agreement to take turns taking each other out to dinner, with the goal of doing that four times a year.

I also feel very supported at work. I’m given a lot of flexibility and trust. When things get too much, I can speak up. Recently I had too much on my plate and noticed I was less pleasant at home. I discussed it with my manager, and together with the team we found a solution.”

How do you make sure you have enough time for yourself?

“Joost and I both find it important to have time for ourselves. He plays football, and I play handball. I train once a week and play a match every two or three weeks. That really feels like a moment for myself and gives me a lot of energy. I also make conscious choices not to try to do everything at once. For example, I currently do almost no volunteer work. In our village that’s kind of expected, but I simply can’t do everything. If I do take something on, I choose intentionally, like doing bar duty at handball when there’s a festive event, and I just bring the kids along. That way I stay involved without it becoming too much. And I think it’s important to teach our children to help others too. The same goes for my career, when the children are older, there will naturally be space again to take the next step.

What is your best tip for maintaining balance between work and family?

“Keep doing the things that are important to you and take good care of yourself. For me that means time for myself: reading a good book, playing handball, watching a series, buying new clothes, or enjoying a moment at the hairdresser or beautician. But definitely also making time for friends. Last year I went on a skiing trip, and the next outing is already planned.

I know that’s easier said than done. I still find it a challenge too, because with a young family I’m simply tired most evenings. For me, handball is the push I need. I can’t let my team down. And Joost knows me best and always motivates me to keep doing what gives me energy. It’s good to occasionally step out of the role of parent. I truly believe it makes you a better parent in the end.”

Martijn Wientjes

Specialist Business Analysis

Martijn has been working at JBT Marel for almost 15 years. He lives with his wife and their four children, the youngest of whom is three months old. In this interview, he explains how he combines work and family life.

What does a typical workweek look like for you?
“I work four days a week: three days at the office in Boxmeer and on Tuesdays from home. My wife and I have divided the tasks well, like cooking, picking up the children and managing the household. On Tuesdays I pick up the children from school starting at 2 p.m. On Thursdays I have parental leave and take care of the children all day. In the evenings we try to get the house ready for the next day, and if possible, I get some jobs done as well. We’re renovating our 1930s home and I do most of the renovation work myself. Saturdays are often spent working on the house, while my wife looks after the children and household. On Sundays we do something fun with the whole family.”

How do you combine your job with young children?

“It’s important to plan ahead and look at the week in advance. My wife and I align our schedules carefully. I also try to keep a good balance between work, renovation work and time with the children. On days I’m at home, I prepare what I need for renovation jobs so I can get started later. I also limit my time on social media and Netflix to a maximum of one hour per day. That saves a lot of time and energy.

Volunteering and hobbies are on the back burner for now, that will come later. I’m fine with temporarily giving my ambitions slightly less priority. I keep developing myself because I enjoy and value that, but it doesn’t all have to happen at once. I’m taking it a bit slower now, otherwise it only leads to frustration.”

Are there moments when the combination is difficult or stressful?
“Definitely. The fact that I have less time for hobbies is something I sometimes miss. Renovating has become somewhat of a semi-hobby, but even that can be stressful, especially when I’m dependent on contractors. There are also busy times at work when everything seems to be a priority. And at home, of course, the children need a lot of attention and energy. When all of that comes together, it can get a bit much.”

How do you deal with those moments?

“The most important thing is to speak up, both at home and at work. When I experience stress, I tend to withdraw into myself and am not fully present mentally. Talking about it brings relief and helps me let go. Luckily, stress usually slides off me fairly easily, but that wasn’t always the case. I used to be much more intense about work and found it hard to say ‘no’. At some point I pushed myself too far. Since then, I’ve learned to set boundaries and not stress over small things. I now make sure that the only pressure I feel is the pressure I put on myself, and that it doesn’t become too heavy. There will always be something that seems ‘important’. But what is truly important? You have to define that for yourself. Once you know, it becomes much easier to make choices.

I can also always rely on my colleagues. When we were without a manager for a while, we supported each other a lot. In my view, managers are mainly there to safeguard the vision and support personal goals. When it comes to stress relief, I personally gain the most from my colleagues.”

How do you make sure you have enough time for yourself?

“With the arrival of our youngest, that has been a bit less lately. But I always make sure there are fun things scheduled. For example, a Saturday evening with friends, or going for a walk or to the playground with the family on Sunday. Renovation work has also become a bit of ‘me time’. But honestly, I don’t find time for myself all that important. I also see time with my family as time for myself.”

What is your best tip for maintaining balance between work and family?

“Figure out what is truly important to you and always put that first. I really like Stephen Covey’s Big Rocks principle. He explains that you should first spend time on the most important things in your life, only then can you fill the rest of your time with smaller tasks or chores. For me, my family is my most important ‘big rock’. Everything else comes after that.”